Monday, October 02, 2006
Another sucky night to the end of a sucky day, and tomorrow would be more suckier.
As the days past by, I fall deeper into the darkness and watch others having their mundane but yet satisfied lives. I am envious. Joy, such an elusive emotion for me. I've never seem to be able to grasp it in my hand. What is it in this world that makes a person truly happy?? Love, friendship, entertainment or money? Everyone has their own different answer. For some, their answers are much easier to find. i wont say tt i have the shittiest time out here cos i noe ther are prolly ppl in worser conditions. To forget your troubles, thats something obviously very good to have. But who can truly cast our memories away. After all, they are what that make us who we are. My head is crammed up full of crap even after all this while.
Ever heard of the term homunculus? It can be said that it is the little man in your head. Your own subconcious that is unknown to others. Maybe even to yourself. I read a manga of the same title quite a while back. And suddenly i think now. What would my homunculi look like? Would i be like a person who is actually made of sand? Able to shift myself to what my concious mind or the others want. Having no true self as all i do is to mimic and act the shape of something. OR could i be like a little boy within a robot. Where the robot armor symbolises the the shields tt i have rased in order to protect myself and make myself look more "normal" to the rest? It may be messy for those who dint read it but still, its a fresh look to examine yourself.
Self, my identity, may be wat im looking for. I still probably could not proclaim that I am me now because what is I? what is me? Typing vulgarities now to vent my frustration might be a good way to relieve my self of some of the stress i have but it is all futile. Temporary respite has only brought about greater troubles.
Should probably go study now. Be the sand-person and fulfil my role as a student.
Dry, bland and coarse.
Just a Plain Song <3
;5:18 AM
